Tied Up With Love by Amelia Thorne

Author:Amelia Thorne [Thorne, Amelia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781474031363
Publisher: Carina
Published: 2015-02-13T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Sixteen

Izzy lay sprawled out on the bed, with Ethan kissing her. The screams, shouts and groans had finally subsided about twenty minutes before but he was still lying between her legs kissing her. Like eating her favourite dessert, she could kiss him all day and never tire of it.

He pulled away slightly to look at her. ‘I don’t like kissing.’

She stroked his hair from his face. ‘You don’t?’

He shook his head and resumed kissing her softly for a moment. ‘It’s too intimate.’

‘I think what we just did is way beyond the boundaries of intimacy.’

‘Sex is nothing. It’s just a basic animal need. It doesn’t mean anything.’

She felt hurt at the trivialisation of what they had just gone through together, the way he had stared into her eyes and kissed her as he had made love to her.

‘But kissing is personal, affectionate. I don’t do it.’

‘Ever?’

‘Not since Charlie.’

He resumed his kissing of her and she smiled at the significance of this. He wanted to kiss her. He pulled away slightly to kiss her throat.

‘You never kiss the women you make love to?’

‘I don’t make love Izzy, I’ve told you that. And no, the odd brief kiss on the cheek or a quick peck on the lips, never during sex.’

‘How do you manage not to kiss the women you… that you sleep with?’

‘Doggy style.’

‘Always?’

‘Yes.’

‘But we didn’t…’

‘No, it’s different with you. Sex with these other women doesn’t mean anything, taking them from behind ensures that distance is maintained.’

‘It sounds like you hate it.’

‘I hate myself for it, I don’t hate the sex.’

‘Why do you hate yourself?’

‘The first time I slept with someone after Charlie died was two weeks after she was crushed to death. Two weeks. I was so angry after she died – angry at her, angry at myself, the lorry driver, the whole god damn world – and I just wanted to feel anything, something that wasn’t grief and anger and hate. Having sex with some faceless woman helped a little but after I felt like scum. How could I dishonour Charlie’s memory like that? But I couldn’t stop. For that brief moment whilst I was shagging, the pain would go away, I could forget everything and just focus on sex. But always after, the guilt and grief and agonizing pain would come back. I keep thinking what Charlie must be thinking, if she could see me now. I don’t think she would mind the sex so much, as that was always a big part of our relationship, but I think what would hurt her the most is that I’m having sex with women who mean absolutely nothing to me.’

‘It won’t always be that way though. One day you’ll find a woman that you want more than just sex with.’

He stared at her and then rolled off her and knelt up. He handed over her t-shirt.

Her heart crashed in disappointment. Obviously that woman was not her. So that was it. In a second he would call her a taxi and tell her he’d call her sometime.

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